“We have been going round and round about this Alcide. I really don’t have the energy to explain right now. I am tired. Can we do this tomorrow?”
Alcide huffs and grimaces. “See there, right there is the problem. You are so tired with waiting on strangers that you have no time for me. They get your attention all day and I get an ‘I am tired’ every day!”
The dinner shift at Bellefluer’s had been very busy tonight because of a meeting in the town hall running late. The town people had gotten together to discuss the ever present infected vampire menace on Bon Temps. The discussion had remained relevant for about the first ten minutes. Then as everybody put on their thinking caps and started on the suggestions, the good meeting quickly went south. The people suggested everything from mass exodus to full time curfew. There were some who wanted an all-out ‘war on the zombies’, a la Resident Evil. But there were no bad ass ninja warriors in our midst so the war mongers were quickly talked down by the people in favor of running and hiding, a la Walking Dead. It just went round and round in circles, till only the most reckless and the most ignorant denizens were the only ones speaking aloud and cheering for each other and demanding beers for the cheering. Do I even need to mention which side Jason took?
The vampires wisely refrained from making comments, ordered to silence on strategy by their new area sheriff, some Thalia person. Jessica told me about that order. I don’t even know if she could tell me that!
Anyways, so at the end of a totally wasted three hour long town hall meeting, people just trooped right into the nearest eatery and drowned their nerves in grease and beer. I have been an on and off part time waitress at the revamped bar and grill Bellefluer’s. Tonight I was just swamped with orders, bussing and waitressing. My feet felt like lead and my arms are ready to fall off. My head is practically buzzing in the aftermath of the thought bombs I have dodged all evening. All I wanted right now was to soak in a warm bath and then go to sleep.
But life is not easy. And expecting simple pleasures from life is fast becoming old news. In the past one year after the whole Benlow disaster, all I needed was a rest full life full of love. All I got was unrest and lust with a whole lot of overbearing love.
I sighed again at that thought.
“Alcide there was a big Town Hall meeting earlier today. It ran late and…”
“Don’t change the topic.” Alcide interjected. “We are talking about us, not silly small town politics. You don’t know anything about that. I expected you to be home earlier. I had dinner reservations at that new place in Shreveport. You could at least have replied to my messages. You didn’t reply on purpose didn’t you?”
This is getting on my nerves now. Why does he have to say stuff like that and why do I feel guilty? What do I say to that? Ok, stick to the texting issue Sookie.
“Alcide! You know we don’t check messages while working. I didn’t know you texted. I have already cut down working full time to part time. I just work five days a week. I did that because you didn’t want me working on weekends. So now I am home on weekends and where are you? Having some pack thing guys’ outing, fishing or watching games!”
There take that for guilt! One point for team Sookie!
Alcide got on his feet and let out an angry growl. “Do you mean to say that I can’t even spend some time with friends or watch a game now because we are living together? You go off to your bar every day and I don’t question what you do. I even shifted to Bon Temps for you because you couldn’t leave your precious town. I joined that god awful Shreveport pack to keep you safe from all the vampire shit you have brought on yourself and you begrudge me a few moments of peace?”
WHAT? Now he did it!
“WHAT? Oh no Alcide, you didn’t just say that!” I am not sure but I think I am shouting now.
“Really? You think the vamps just leave you alone out of the goodness of their dead hearts?”
I think I stomped my foot along with the shouting now. This is getting too close to where I don’t want to go.
“I can take care of myself. I have been doing it forever now. SO don’t you put that pack shit over my head. Joining them was your decision. I can’t even stand those girls making all sorts of eyes at you! I bet you enjoy that now don’t you?”
Alcide growled in response and his eyes changed to yellow.
Great! Is he planning on turning on me now? In the living room?
He loomed menacingly. I suddenly felt dry in my throat and had to gulp, but I did not step back from my stance. For once, my sore limbs would not hold me back and let Alcide bully me.
“You have no idea what happens in the pack and what I go through trying to keep my position there.”
There goes the guilt thing again.
He has been doing this since quite some time now. I am usually worn out and don’t want to argue and then he thinks he has gotten away with calling me wrong on all accounts. This will have to stop. I can’t let him do that all the time. Maybe if I got a few days off, maybe if I could actually rest, perhaps I’ll be able to fight for myself like I should…
“Alcide listen to me. I do not hold the pack against you. I know you don’t like them a lot but you do what you need to do. Everyone has to do what they need to do. As for me, I can’t sit at home and twiddle my thumbs while I wait for you. I need to be self-sufficient. I need to make a living. Why don’t you cut me some slack here?”
Alcide backed down and averted his eyes. After giving me the silent treatment for a whole minute, he lets out a breath and ramps down on the tone a bit.
“You are tired and I am riled up. Doesn’t make a good pair.” He walked towards the door and grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging in the hall. “I need to get some air. Don’t wait up.” And he just walks out.
I take a deep breath and attempt to calm down. It is good that he walked out before I could stir up another storm. Maybe we can talk like adults when we are both calm enough.
Ok then, time for my bath. I slowly walk towards my new refurbished bathroom. I look at the large tub with all the beautiful fittings and smile in relief. At least Alcide is good at stuff like that. God bless him for the bathroom!
I fill up the bath and pour a few scented oils and soaps. I will not be fooling with candles tonight.
I just need to sit here and forget about my day.
I just need to forget the way Bill was looking at me in the town hall. I need to forget how completely wrapped up Jason looked with Violet. He didn’t even bother to have a conversation with me. That felt bad. I sat with Tara and Jessica in the meeting because Alcide had some work stuff and everybody else was projecting too loudly. At least having two vampires on both sides gave me some respite. I thought being together with my friends would be a good change but something felt off. Frankly I could have died of boredom if I didn’t have all those stray thoughts attacking me all the time. I mean Tara and Jess are fun but they were unusually quite in the meeting. Jessica did drop in a few hints about how Bill was suffering but what the hell. I am sure even if everything was good and shiny in the world, Bill Compton would find something to whine about. So I tuned it out.
I just need to forget that I hoped Alcide would massage my feet with his strong able hands tonight. He used to do that earlier. He was never a cuddler but he could work magic with his hands. He hasn’t done that in months now. The only time we are touching intimately like a couple is the time we have sex. It is not bad either. Alcide is good with it. But then it is over and he sleeps off. I do not know what I expect. Maybe I want him to ask about my day or hold me for a while when I am tired. But then would I want all the accompanying advice he will have about my work? No, I guess not. So maybe it is better this way.
I prod my inner conscience and it doesn’t respond with some smart ass remark. It has been this way since quite some time now. Once upon a time, Sookie Stackhouse used to be in control of her life and in touch with her inner voice. She was righteous and could stand up to her ideals and put people in their place. She could hold her own with big bad vampires like Er…
Oh no don’t go there!
I shut my eyes tightly and force the thought right out of my mind. I have been doing that a lot too. With that thought though, the other monologue goes silent too and I am just left with the sound of softly lapping water around me. Fine by me if you ask. Cowardly but fine for now! I take a deep breath again and lean my head on the head rest. I just need to rest it out and think when I am ready for it. I don’t even know exactly why I am tired of everything these days.
It might be a late reaction to everything going on in my life since gran died.
I close my eyes and try to feel gran. I try that a lot. But it seems to me that gran is somewhere hidden from me, right beside my conscience. I’ll go find her and I’ll go find my conscience when I am ready. For now I just sit back and let my mind wind down from the evening.